Sunday, July 14, 2013

किसी का भी बेटा

tr. from Tara Skurtu's 'Anyone's Son'
-- ट्रेवॉन मार्टिन के परिवार के लिए

ये कविता खुद को उल्टा लिखना चाहती है। 
सोचती है, काश एक याद की तरह पैदा होती, तुम्हारे 

आखिरी सेकंड पर अटकी हुई सुई को पीछे छोड़, 
तुम उठ बैठते हो, अपने सीने से झाड़ते हो, खून नहीं,

मिटटी। तुम उठते हो। अपने बिस्तर पर। बुरा
सपना। वापस नींद आती है। तुम जगते हो,

खुश, गुड मॉर्निंग। ये उन सब की कविता है, 
जो कि तुम्हारे आखिरी दिन के लिबास में एक हुए -

कैंडीयों से भरी जेबें, हुडड स्वेट-शर्ट, मीठी सी
चाय। ये कविता खुद पर हौसला रखना चाहती है, 

चुप-चाप सरल शब्दों से, ये चाहती है तुम उठो,
किसी के भी बेटे -- लम्बे से, आखों में हसी, अब घर जाओ।

(with much help from Ashish Kundalia)

Tara Skurtu


flygye12 said...
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Akhil Katyal said...

Ashish, you've done it again. this is such an invaluable comment. thank you so much for such a close reading. you have been able to get wonderfully close to the sense of the original, which is a tribute to tara's craft and to trayvon's memory. thank you.

Akhil Katyal said...

arrey, ashish ji, aapne apna comment hata liya? rehne dete :)

A.K. said...

Ye lijiye. Posted back. Will comment from this ID in future:) :

I'm afraid to comment ki kahin fir seriously le lo. But..Loved the original. Are translators not allowed to change the title? The translated poem is yours after all. Not hers. The translation reminds me of Raduga publications. Russians translating in Hindi. She said record ki sui ki tarah tumhare aakhri pal wali line pe atki hui, samay se bekhabar. (i need to find out how a record works ha ha ha)How about Tum uth baithte ho? Apne seene se jhaadtey hoAnd do we need to limit our vocabulary when we have words in Hindi for things where English uses the same? Tum jaag baithtey ho. Bistar pe. Although I prefer Achanak jaagtey ho. Bistar par. But I guess that will be taking too much liberty. But then the picturesque-ness of the original is getting compromised. Rise and shine. I guess we have some daily used Hindi muhavara to replace that one? Good Morning. First few times I read your translation as "happy, how to make it morning? " Yeh Subah kaise ho. Suprabhat or something simpler will do? something Colloquial. Even Good Morning is fine. Ye kavita un sab ki hai, tumhare aakhiri din jaisi uniform me (libaas me?) ek huye: tofeeyon se bhari jebein... She's describing na. I don't know what it's called in grammar but we don't speak in that passive (?) voice in Hindi. That sounds like one of AR Rahman's earlier songs with weird translation from Tamil- Urvashi, Urvashi, Take It Easy, Urvashi. Ungali Jaisi Dubli Ko,nahin Chahiye Pharmacy )Last line. How about meethi si chai? Aasan shabd? Hindi takes pride in mushkil se shabd. How about saral shabdon mein? Dabaav mein bhi dati rehna chahti hai. She's describing again- How about ooncha kad? Lambe sounds weird. [I hope you don't mind so much cheed faad of your simple poem. But I would like to think of myself as one of the behind the scene editors of Project Akhil. Some people are Poets writers and translators. others are editors :P ] 

Rachelle said...